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How to keep moving forward when you're not motivated.


One of the questions I get a lot from students and parents is how to stay motivated when things get tough. My answer has always been - Why are you doing what you're doing? If the reason is not big enough, then we will not have the discipline continue. It's the difference between knowing what you need to do vs. doing it. It is the difference between motivation and discipline - Jocko Willink explains: https://youtube.com/shorts/pOi5MMNyREA?si=EnbfiKZtXy3KEdkG


So how do we keep moving forward? I think it starts with recognizing that your journey may not have an end. It is also okay if your reasons are selfish/personal. Knowing what you want will enable you to do the hard things.- this is what we call discipline: https://youtube.com/shorts/48BnYG54694?si=oeQ6RzjWQGb9_oDd


These are the three steps I take to encourage my daughters when their motivation isn't there.


  1. Help your child to build a routine. Make it simple so they can see that it’s possible. It could be as simple as making your bed first thing in the morning. McRaven said, “If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.”


As a finance major, I learned that compounding interest can work either for you or against you. A little borrowed today can become a huge debt in the future and vice versa with savings. Thus, a routine my children do every day after school is 5 minutes of math, 10 minutes of typing, 20 minutes of sustained silent reading. These habits have enabled them to take responsibility for and excel in their learning.


  1. Help your child to set goals. Similar to number 1, make the goals small at first. If your child struggles to complete all the homework in school, do not force them to complete all the missing work. Instead, start fresh. Maybe have them do one homework assignment for each subject per week. Praise them for their effort rather than their grade, and do not reward them with money, toys, or other gifts. It is what Dweck refers to as a growth mindset, as opposed to a fixed mindset.


My children grew up in Vietnam, so English is their second language. To help them succeed and adjust to life in America, we set a small goal of reading one book every night together. We started at the Kindergarten level (check out recommendations), choosing different genres at the public library. As they've gotten older, we have increased the level of difficulty while also finding out their interests. Now we set a goal to finish a book every week. It makes for a fun way to spend time together.


  1. Help your child to build autonomy by encouraging questions and reasons. It develops critical thinking and helps them to string cause-effect relationships and reasoning skills. It also means helping them to take ownership of their learning. Be positive, supportive, and careful not to do the work for them.


Autonomy looks different at different ages. For my elementary children, it means trusting that they are doing the work independently. I encourage them to share and learn from their mistakes. It also means being vulnerable and sharing how I have failed or am still learning from my many mistakes. One way I stay involved while also giving them space is to ask my children about what they've read or have them show how they've solved a problem.


To summarize, make the learning process fun, and be okay to make mistakes. Show your child how to connect to what they’re learning so they can enjoy the process. Build routines, set goals, and build autonomy!


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Citation


BenLionelScott. [DISCIPLINE - Motivational Speech]. (2024,10,16). DISCIPLINE - Motivational Speech [Video file] YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/48BnYG54694


Jocko Willink. [Elevate Start]. (2023,06,09). Discipline vs Motivation [Video file] YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/pOi5MMNyREA



 
 
 

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